Jordanian Football

I decided in order not to be a total tubby-tutu I would participate in intramural indoor 5-on-5 football (soccer) here at the University of Jordan. For Team USA.

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Needless to say, I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

When I moved into my apartment here, I met the landlady's son Yazin. He is 23 and supremely patriotic and westernized. I asked him about the local Jordanian football teams and if they were a big deal. His response (with a look of disgust and disbelief): "Of course, man. They are the only deal."

Fast forward to today. I get to the athletic complex for the Opening Ceremony. Yes, for intramural football. Luckily, being a patriot, I brought a full size American flag with me. So, Olympic-style, we walked out with the other teams we would be playing against and presented our flag in a formal ceremony. Here are the other teams in the league:

- Iraq
- Syria
- Somalia
- Lebanon
- Palestine
- Jordan
- Turkey

-America

Israeli support aside, at least my country has been responsible for loss of life in ONLY 3-4 of these countries, right? Silver lining.

I have never been booed harder in my life. Not even in high school CPS soccer games at schools like Prosser and Amundsen. Not at high school lacrosse games at Mather. Not even at Lindenwood.

Now, to be fair, I feel like it is trendy in this region to boo America and was not indicative of any actual wish to do harm to us jihadi-style or anything. The Lebanese team was openly nice to us, cheering in our section during our game and everything. They even taught our fans an Arabic football cheer, "No matter what you do, America shakes the world!" Fuck yeah!

Number 15 is about to shake up this kid's ankles.

There was only one guy who seemed vehemently against our team in the stands, but I feel like he was just playing to the crowd. Not that he even needed to. Somalia beat us in a clean game 10-1. I guess, in a sense, that whole Black Hawk Down incident was repaid a little today...

Our next game was the big one: America vs. Palestine. Jesus Christ, why don't we play Iraq, Nazi Germany, and Colonial Britain while we're at it...

The crowd for the game was insane. There were at least a dozen undercover secret police officers in the crowd, as well as campus security. Class was canceled so American students could cheer for our team. We already had a day to practice, as well as some new blood on the team, and we were feeling pretty confident. Then we saw the Palestinians warmup.

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Three of their starting five play on either the PALESTINIAN or JORDANIAN NATIONAL TEAM. Unofficial odds put us as losing at least 15-0. We lost 9-2. The crowd went insane.

There is an 18% chance that this is a Team America goal...

We then played Syria and Lebanon, beating both teams in 4-1 and 3-1, respectively. The Syrians received surprisingly little support from the crowd. Unfortunately, our goal differential kept us out of the playoff bracket. But, our NGU (Never Give Up) attitude got us an article in the national paper! And a visit from the Lebanese Ambassador and other Lebanese dignitaries. FOR AN INTRAMURAL SOCCER GAME.

It really must be the only deal here...

This showing of fan appreciation was for the pre-game warmup...wow...

Reverse Arabic Lesson

I learned a few hilarious things today. Since Arabic is a Semetic language, obviously there are a few words that sound like English words and are totally nowhere near the English meanings. This ain't Spanish folks, you can't just guess that the word for information is "informacion" and wind up nailing it. Because in Arabic, you'd be totally wrong, and the word for information is "maloumat."

It has taken me three years and put gray hairs on my head (literally) to just start seeing patterns in the most basic of words. To put it another way, Arabic is ranked the third hardest language for English-speaking Americans to learn by the U.S. government, outranked only by Chinese and Korean. This jibberish ain't easy.

But today I will share with you the few linguistic crossovers that make this language worth learning. When swear words mean things.

English -> Arabic

What the fuck- I got the job

Goddammit- I filled out the application

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There are taxi drivers in Amman that are probably amazed with the amount of employment American students are locking down these days.

Arabic -> English

Kuntu- I was

fuqut- only, that's it

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These two (especially the last one) brought me hours of entertainment in Beginning Arabic I & II.

Meeting The General

The other week I had the pleasure of dining at my friend Ameerah's host parents house. To be frank, this is easily the nicest house I have ever been inside in my life. They are quite easily multi-millionaires (or millionaires x 1.4, thanks to the conversion rate). Their place is nicer than Black's house in Arizona. Nicer than the Highland's in Park Ridge. Almost as nice as Christina Loukas' house in Riverwoods, but they own the Cubby Bear.

Hey Cubs, did Steve Bartman make you lose this year too?

It's three stories, and they have their a fully stocked kitchen for each floor. The basement floor kitchen has living quarters for live-in cooks and housekeepers, which in Jordan's case means Egyptians or Philippinos (or in American terms, Mexicans). They have a rug that was once a living African leopard. PETA apparently has no pull in the third world.

Anyway, the coolest part is Ameerah's host dad, who we refer to as "The General." He held the second-highest rank in the Jordanian army (like a four-star general) and was the superior officer to the current King Abdullah II, who had to salute him and call him sir. He was close friends with the former King Hussein as well. He's like the Jordanian version of Eisenhower.

Not pictured: Production Value.

He lives in our Christian neighborhood and is an Evangelical Christian. He and his brother are currently building a gigantic church a few blocks away. Apparently it's fashionable to build megachurches as a rich Jordanian Christian, because half our neighborhood is involved in projects like this.

They held a fundraiser for the church and invited their family and friends (which in Jordan means at least 200 people) and raised 40,000 JD IN AN HOUR. That's $56,000, or $933 per minute. Sick.

His baller status doesn't end there. He has been to 45 countries, usually for diplomatic and military conferences. He was elected to Jordanian Parliament which is no easy feat in a corrupt, third-world country. It would be like getting elected in, oh, I don't know...America.

Not really relevant, I just thought it looked cool.

He also loves America, which is a trend I've been noticing among Jordanians that have actually been there. He gave me an awesome quote that I feel best sums America up, at least compared to Jordan: "America is a country for the man, where in most of the rest of the world, the man is for the country." And Europe is strict (unflexible) and rude. TREATED.

U-S-A! U-S-A!

Disturbing things I have seen

Here are a few things I have bore witness to since I have been here. These are bizarre by Jordanian standards, so therefore they are probably exponentially more bizarre for everyone in America.

- When staying in a legit Bedouin camp (4 tents in the middle of the desert an hour away from any town), a rogue camel decided to invade the camp in the middle of the night and tried to enter some fellow campers tent. The 60-year-old Bedouin camp owner then chased the camel into the desert in the dark, beating the piss out of it and kicking it in the butt.

- Seeing a grown man board a public bus holding a hacksaw.

- A group of 8-10 year olds yelling "MARAJUANA!" at a group of us walking down the street, then running away laughing hysterically.

- Seeing this:

Seriously.

-A gypsy camp less than a block away from my apartment. When I asked a neighbor about them, she said "Oh yes, if you go and talk to them, they will try to eat you."

-A perfect example of American cultural imperialism:

Wait for it...

Of course...

- Hearing Avril Lavigne over the sound system while lifting in the nicest health club in Amman (For those who remember parties at Studio 59 years ago, they were "He Wasn't" and "Things I'll Never Say"). Also: "Same Girl" by R. Kelly & Usher played today at a coffee shop I was at, and I almost exploded.


-This was in a shop window on Rainbow Street:

Brett Favre even haunts me and my Bears overseas.

-A bus driver with one eye.

-No fire hydrants ANYWHERE.

-This guy:

Workin' Hard. Or a possible ambulance.

-And this creepshow:

Hide your children!