Wednesday, September 21, 2011

American Stereotypes 101: The Unemployable College Graduate (English Teacher)

Hoo boy. This one could sting.

First off, I feel I would be doing Americans living abroad a disservice by not talking about one of the silver linings of the current economic recession: Whatever you would like to call them, the "Millenials," the "Lost Generation," or perhaps the most apt description, "Any College Graduating Class After 2008," will also be the first international working generation of young Americans. This is the first time in a LONG time that 22-year-old American kids can't get jobs at home, and have to leave. Bonus: This international crowd will be a saavy, well-informed middle class in decades to come.

America has traditionally been the magnet for young risk-takers with nothing to lose. But now, the unemployable are running anywhere to find a gig. One day, when these American fortune seekers (who live as foreigners in other countries) return home, they might help bring some more differentiated opinion to Main Street.

Other developed, educated countries that have been in soft recessions for a while (France, UK, Australia, New Zealand, etc.) have had scores of young folks venturing out into the world in search of a chance. And from an International Relations standpoint, most of these "Other Countries" foreign policy is way more mutually beneficial to their respective interests than America's. So, logic follows that since this is America's first time sending kids out to live in other countries, the country should be better for it.

That being said, Amman is sprinkled with these poor, desperate bastards. One could call them the Eternally Hopeful, Yet Failing. After graduating with a worthless liberal arts degree, most have attempted at least one last-ditch move to find a job in their field (usually to New York or Washington D.C.).

Please refer to previous posts

Their ill-fated need to feel worth something pushes their desperation into truly extreme territories. They contemplate Law School. The Peace Corps. The Military. Marrying whoever they're dating at the time. Grad School. Or, heaven forbid, working at a job they don't want!

NO! I SHUN MEANINGLESS EMPLOYMENT!

But then they realize: their girlfriend doesn't love them. Law school wouldn't take them. They are too fat to join the mililtary. Their indecisiveness and lack of money coalesce into: 1) a powerful inability to cope with job-market forces, and 2) maladaptive, emotion-driven behaviors, which doesn't do well at the bar nor at job interviews. They are, for lack of a better word, Screwed. In what world is an employer going to take a chance on an unproven wannabe?

Any employer before the Carter presidency?

So what's left to do? Sit and rot? Or...do something crazy?

So crazy, it just might work!

I'll move to another country on a whim! Why wouldn't it work...abandoning the traditional career path has worked out for so many cool people! Hemingway! Hunter S.! Penn Jillette!

Drank himself to death. Suicide. Magician.

These desperate fools are only running from their own worthlessness. Which is why they become English teachers. They have no skills anyone would want to hire them for, and no ambition to push beyond the bare minimum: speaking. They have no actual commitment to children or teaching. Teaching is just the best hours and easiest money available. They're listless, floating idiots. They are flotsam, that attaches to the first rough surface.

Pictured: flotsam (and jetsam)

They can be fun to party with. But they made their bed, now let them sweat in it.

And sweat they will

Analysis

Ridiculousness: 2.5/5
Most of these guys can't be too ridiculous, because they don't have any money. Or they're old.

Insecurity: 5/5
Off the charts insecure. It's rare you'll find someone who leaves their home country to TEACH without having some kind of underlying mental condition.

Intangibles: 3/5
Like a wounded animal, these "teachers" are capable of anything when cornered.

Total: 4/5 Picard Facepalms

Thursday, September 15, 2011

American Stereotypes 101: The Fulbright Fellow

Ah, the Fulbright Fellow. One of my favorites. For those of you "outside the know," the Fulbright Scholarship is a competitive post-undergraduate scholarship that allows the recipient to do research, work, and/or teach in a foreign country for a year. In Jordan, most of the Fulbright Scholars/Fellows/Pretentious Proper Nouns are either English Teaching Assistants or Researchers.

For most, this is their second time in the Middle East (their first usually being a Study Abroad Adventure), so they know full well that this is a paid, one-year vacation in the guise of a prominent US State Department funded fellowship.

Also known as Peace Corps Lite.

The average Fulbrighter is from an affluent, private university in the US...and most of 'em are white. Given the opportunity to study the lingua vernacula of the region, some make the most of it and improve lingusitically (at least to the point of ordering in restaurants and increasing their ability to yell at landlords). Some study Arabic the entire time they are here and seldom interact with the local Arab community outside of their once a week English teaching volunteering gig or their Arabic professor.

Now that's what I call immersing yourself into the culture!

All of them go back to the US totin' their shiny Fulbright title into their graduate schools and high-falutin' jerbs. But, little do their new employers and professors know that as a researcher, you are not required to produce a single page of research. Nor are you required to work any more than one day per week as an English Teacher.


This is BY FAR the minority, but it should infuriate nonetheless (rabble rabble rabble...our tax dollars...tea party...rabble...). On the other end of the spectrum, some Fulbrights become incredibly worn out and jaded from their experience. They have spread themselves too thin between Arabic lessons, volunteering, research, and internships and fail to see anything good coming of the Middle East or the work that they have done here.

They go to bed early, castigate their friends, and become snippy little buggers.

Don't get me wrong; for those lucky enough to get it, a yearlong break between college and the working world would be the perfect decompression from the Lala-Land of school in the soulless abyss of The Real World. But I didn't get one, so screw them.

Analysis

Ridiculousness: 3/5
While most of the recipients can be described as either Plain White Vanilla- or Future Hill Employee-types, some individual candidates defy any rational explanation, so this measure is rightly skewed.

Insecurity: 2.5/5
Most of their personal/emotional baggage is left at home (or discarded altogether) when they arrive. A year is a pretty solid commitment, but you start seeing the neurotic cracks as the Eventual Return begins rearing its ugly, realistic head.

Intangibles: 2/5
Some of my best friends here are Fulbrighters. But they never got cars. Still, extra points, I guess.

Total: 2.5/5 Picard Facepalms