Southern Jordan, Wadi Rum

Warning: The following post may not be very funny, and probably more like a boring "MY SUMMER VACATION" Blog. Sorry in advance. Actually, its not boring, so go fuck yourself (sorry for swearing Mom).

Day 1

We took a bus to Wadi Rum (Rum Valley), and I was forced to buy $15 batteries. I was pissed.

Forget about the scenery, $15 FOR BATTERIES!!?!?!

After eating a ridiculously huge Middle Eastern lunch (complete with assaulting horseflies), we saw some lame museum and a lame video. LAME. Then I saw off in the distance...

Aw yeah. Camel time.

Most of the camels looked like a bunch of chumps, but not mine. She had a sheen to her coat and a gorgeous face. I thought she was a boy at first, so I named her "Dutch" in honor of Arnold Schwarzenegger's character in "The Predator". Then my friend Ameerah checked under the hood and it turns out she was a girl, so I named her Princess Sparkle.

What a majestic creature.

We got to ride around in the desert for a while. Camels are ornery animals, and some of them were braying and being emo pretty much all the time. They sounded like Taun-tauns in the Empire Strikes Back. And they smell like poo poo. But Princess Sparkle was awesome and I got to grab the reins and ride her on my own for about a half hour.

So after the 3-hour camel ride (three people hilariously fell off), and my own stunning realization that I am a camel whisperer (I swear they all do what I say, its unreal), we got to our Bedouin campsite.

Bedouins are nomadic hunter-herders that travel all over the deserts in the Middle East. And after meeting some of them, they are amazing people. When they aren't traveling with their camels and horses, shooting rifles (and desecrating historical sites, more on that later), hunting with falcons, and living off the desert like Rambo, they are drinking and dancing and partying. Way cooler than all the WIENER Muslims during BORING Ramadan.

We got the real deal at the campsite- bonfire, hookah, full meal, Bedouin dancing, singing, and storytelling. Then we got to go run around in the desert in the middle of the night. It was awesome. I slept in the open under the stars in the sands of the Wadi. All you losers in Champaign probably went to Firehaus for the 8000000th time and "drank so fuckin much dude!". HA! Eat my bird.

Ew

Cats are like goddamn squirrels here in Amman. There may have been squirrels once, but I'm pretty sure the cats ate them all. These aren't your friendly, Homeward Bound Sassy-types. These cats are mangy, tough, frightening little bastards that jump out of dumpsters at you. And they are EVERYWHERE.

Picture this, except on every corner.

For those who don't know, I despise cats. Allergies aside, they suck as pets and for some Freudian evolutionary concept I still can't figure out, act like their owners (i.e. THE PEOPLE THAT KEEP THEM ALIVE AND FED) aren't important.

F THAT NOISE.

Dogs love you for your hospitality and protect families, save drowning children, detect CANCER in people, and are generally awesome at all times. Cats get fat and occasionally bring you a "gift" in the form of a dead bird. And they shit inside, and that is just plain rude.

There is no way this isn't Satan.

There are entire books written about famous dogs that save people, dial 911, detect mines and hidden VC during Vietnam, find drugs, and are beneficial to society. And then there's Garfield. I rest my case.

Addendum: Kittens are fine, because they're cute and stupid and aren't really cats yet.

Ramadan Sucks

So the dream that was constant internet at my apartment evaporated this weekend. I have been relegated to a computer lab in the Langauge Center on the University of Jordan campus for the time being. So check every hour on the hour for new posts Mom and Dad!

Ramadan is in full swing here. Everyone on the street, especially security guards and taxi drivers, are especially grumpy because they are hungry, thirsty, and can't smoke cigarettes during the day. Drag.

This translates into tense, awkward exchanges between American students and taxi drivers when arguing over cab fare, especially at night. The cabbies use meters here, but meters are illegally turned off after 10:00 PM and the ripoff-fest begins. What is usually a 2 JD trip doubles or even triples (if you're a chump).

My roommate Joey drunkenly argued with a cabbie in Arabic two nights ago outside a nightclub who tried to charge us 10 JD. Joey has taken only one year of Arabic, which eventually backslid into swearing at local Jordanians in English, which was hilarious.

I have also found out that, like in Mexico (and I would assume all third-world countries), being American = being rich. The idea of the starving college student here is as foreign as the idea of non-white Americans (seriously, black people are still just black people here, not African Americans, and all Asians are Chinese). I have been shortchanged three times already, which really does wonders for my opinion of the people. Which is to say: Ramadan Sucks.

Random Jordanian Fact of the Day: In traditional Islam, dogs are seen as "dirty creatures." Cats, however, are spared this connotation (possibly because they kill rodents and scorpions and eat the souls of children). Both can lick their own balls, which you would think conservative Muslims would frown upon.

Anyway, I live in an affluent Christian neighborhood, and everyone has at least two dogs. It is a point of pride for them as well, kind of a badge of non-Islam and, in my opinion, one of the best cultural benchmarks of the Western World.

This is Don. He is six weeks old. I am not lying, he is barely a puppy and can knock me down.

Amman got humps, possibly lady lumps

Amman is built on seven hills (or thirteen, thanks to refugee expansion due to the war in Iraq. Thank your family for me, Neda). Although I have been outside the midwest and experienced that thing the rest of the world knows as "elevation," living in a hilly, third-world city has already taken its toll on me in the form of two rolled ankles. DUHHHHH!

The program has been relatively structured so far, and aside from the resident director telling me I'm going to be in "special housing" (she insinuated a basement apartment with a little window and some kind of crushing motion), everything has been entertaining and educational. Edu-tational. So, basically its been pretty lame. The city tour was cool though.

Some things I've seen:

-Parts of the Dead Sea Scrolls claiming Jesus was a hermaphrodite (kidding)
-Temple of Hercules, ruined
-Roman Amphitheatre

Feed the Christian to the lions!

-Byzantine Church, ruined
-King Hussein Mosque (for the nerds: its an Umayyad Mosque with a hidden sound system behind the wood paneling and seating (or squatting?) space for 5000)
-Amman Children's Museum
-Royal Automobile Museum

The royal family will get its own post later, because they are easily the most ballin-est family in the country. How baller, do you ask? The kids had their own BMW motorcycles by age 9. And they stock-race competitively. And hold national records for cross-country racing.

Rollin wit .50's

Imagine Dale Earnhardt Sr., Travis Pastrana, Brad Pitt, and Warren Buffet as one person. That was the late King Hussein.

Random Jordanian Fact of the Day: Jordan has a secret police. They are everywhere; driving around, disguised as beggars as well as civilians. They speak PERFECT English, and apparently they stopped at least one terrorist plot last May to blow up a Catholic Church. So thanks to former Egyptian President Nasser (and indirectly, Stalin and Khrushchev) the Jordanian KGB are my friends. YAY TOTALITARIANISM!

Touchdown

Hey mom, I'm alive. The wireless internet in Jordan is...surprise! Really crappy! Although available (allegedly) on the University of Jordan's campus, the only other places its available are nice hotels and internet cafes. And only sometimes. And Skype (the program I use to phone home) is blocked on random occasions by the Jordanian internet provider because its not making them any money.

The best part of the 12 hour flight was the complimentary breakfast.

Little hash browns. F*ck yes.

The worst were the DOZENS OF SCREAMING CHILDREN, especially the two bastards behind me whom I affectionately named "Walter" and "Marcus."

Little brown Hashemites. I hate you.

When we were getting off the plane, the one on the left said, "That flight was very long. I hated it." I almost had a brain aneurysm. At least I got duty free alcohol at the airport (two HANDLES of Jameson for $20 each!). Gotta stock up for Ramadan...