American Stereotypes 101: The Unemployable College Graduate (English Teacher)

Hoo boy. This one could sting.

First off, I feel I would be doing Americans living abroad a disservice by not talking about one of the silver linings of the current economic recession: Whatever you would like to call them, the "Millenials," the "Lost Generation," or perhaps the most apt description, "Any College Graduating Class After 2008," will also be the first international working generation of young Americans. This is the first time in a LONG time that 22-year-old American kids can't get jobs at home, and have to leave. Bonus: This international crowd will be a saavy, well-informed middle class in decades to come.

America has traditionally been the magnet for young risk-takers with nothing to lose. But now, the unemployable are running anywhere to find a gig. One day, when these American fortune seekers (who live as foreigners in other countries) return home, they might help bring some more differentiated opinion to Main Street.

Other developed, educated countries that have been in soft recessions for a while (France, UK, Australia, New Zealand, etc.) have had scores of young folks venturing out into the world in search of a chance. And from an International Relations standpoint, most of these "Other Countries" foreign policy is way more mutually beneficial to their respective interests than America's. So, logic follows that since this is America's first time sending kids out to live in other countries, the country should be better for it.

That being said, Amman is sprinkled with these poor, desperate bastards. One could call them the Eternally Hopeful, Yet Failing. After graduating with a worthless liberal arts degree, most have attempted at least one last-ditch move to find a job in their field (usually to New York or Washington D.C.).

Please refer to previous posts

Their ill-fated need to feel worth something pushes their desperation into truly extreme territories. They contemplate Law School. The Peace Corps. The Military. Marrying whoever they're dating at the time. Grad School. Or, heaven forbid, working at a job they don't want!

NO! I SHUN MEANINGLESS EMPLOYMENT!

But then they realize: their girlfriend doesn't love them. Law school wouldn't take them. They are too fat to join the mililtary. Their indecisiveness and lack of money coalesce into: 1) a powerful inability to cope with job-market forces, and 2) maladaptive, emotion-driven behaviors, which doesn't do well at the bar nor at job interviews. They are, for lack of a better word, Screwed. In what world is an employer going to take a chance on an unproven wannabe?

Any employer before the Carter presidency?

So what's left to do? Sit and rot? Or...do something crazy?

So crazy, it just might work!

I'll move to another country on a whim! Why wouldn't it work...abandoning the traditional career path has worked out for so many cool people! Hemingway! Hunter S.! Penn Jillette!

Drank himself to death. Suicide. Magician.

These desperate fools are only running from their own worthlessness. Which is why they become English teachers. They have no skills anyone would want to hire them for, and no ambition to push beyond the bare minimum: speaking. They have no actual commitment to children or teaching. Teaching is just the best hours and easiest money available. They're listless, floating idiots. They are flotsam, that attaches to the first rough surface.

Pictured: flotsam (and jetsam)

They can be fun to party with. But they made their bed, now let them sweat in it.

And sweat they will

Analysis

Ridiculousness: 2.5/5

Most of these guys can't be too ridiculous, because they don't have any money. Or they're old.

Insecurity: 5/5

Off the charts insecure. It's rare you'll find someone who leaves their home country to TEACH without having some kind of underlying mental condition.

Intangibles: 3/5

Like a wounded animal, these "teachers" are capable of anything when cornered.

Total: 4/5 Picard Facepalms

American Stereotypes 101: The Fulbright Fellow

Ah, the Fulbright Fellow. One of my favorites. For those of you "outside the know," the Fulbright Scholarship is a competitive post-undergraduate scholarship that allows the recipient to do research, work, and/or teach in a foreign country for a year. In Jordan, most of the Fulbright Scholars/Fellows/Pretentious Proper Nouns are either English Teaching Assistants or Researchers.

For most, this is their second time in the Middle East (their first usually being a Study Abroad Adventure), so they know full well that this is a paid, one-year vacation in the guise of a prominent US State Department funded fellowship.

Also known as Peace Corps Lite.

The average Fulbrighter is from an affluent, private university in the US...and most of 'em are white. Given the opportunity to study the lingua vernacula of the region, some make the most of it and improve lingusitically (at least to the point of ordering in restaurants and increasing their ability to yell at landlords). Some study Arabic the entire time they are here and seldom interact with the local Arab community outside of their once a week English teaching volunteering gig or their Arabic professor.

Now that's what I call immersing yourself into the culture!

All of them go back to the US totin' their shiny Fulbright title into their graduate schools and high-falutin' jerbs. But, little do their new employers and professors know that as a researcher, you are not required to produce a single page of research. Nor are you required to work any more than one day per week as an English Teacher.

This is BY FAR the minority, but it should infuriate nonetheless (rabble rabble rabble...our tax dollars...tea party...rabble...). On the other end of the spectrum, some Fulbrights become incredibly worn out and jaded from their experience. They have spread themselves too thin between Arabic lessons, volunteering, research, and internships and fail to see anything good coming of the Middle East or the work that they have done here.

They go to bed early, castigate their friends, and become snippy little buggers.

Don't get me wrong; for those lucky enough to get it, a yearlong break between college and the working world would be the perfect decompression from the Lala-Land of school in the soulless abyss of The Real World. But I didn't get one, so screw them.

Analysis

Ridiculousness: 3/5

While most of the recipients can be described as either Plain White Vanilla- or Future Hill Employee-types, some individual candidates defy any rational explanation, so this measure is rightly skewed.

Insecurity: 2.5/5

Most of their personal/emotional baggage is left at home (or discarded altogether) when they arrive. A year is a pretty solid commitment, but you start seeing the neurotic cracks as the Eventual Return begins rearing its ugly, realistic head.

Intangibles: 2/5

Some of my best friends here are Fulbrighters. But they never got cars. Still, extra points, I guess.

Total: 2.5/5 Picard Facepalms

American Stereotypes 101: The Study Abroad Student

And onto the next analysis of our wonderful American compatriots: The Study Abroad Student.

Amman hosts several different study abroad programs of varying capacities, but the students are all relatively the same kind of bright-eyed, terrified 18-22 year old for the first week or two of their time here. They travel in packs of six or more for the duration, even after they learn to be unafraid of Amman in all her dusty, hot, trash-littered glory.

Does this look scary to you?

Some come because they want to improve their Arabic after studying Al-Kitaab Book One for two semesters in the US. Some decide to come to Jordan after tasting hummus at one Middle East Students Association mixer at their univeristy. And some (particularly 'special' girls) hope to live out their wildest Sex and the City 2 fantasy (Thank you horse face, eerrr, I mean SJP).

Sorry, couldn't resist.

The initial days reveal how little Arabic they know, and their first brave linguistic steps into the world are almost immediately followed by a humbling experience. With their confidence shaken, these students almost immediately end up at a popular expat haunt on Rainbow Street called La Calle. Without fail. For a week each semester, La Calle (probably) quadruples its happy hour revenues thanks to our wonderful little future ambassadors paying exorbitant amounts to drink cold Amstels and eat hot wings amongst Amman's trendy expat and local crowd. (Editors Note: Those hot wings are f-ing delicious and they have real blue cheese).

Wish all you like, Colin Farrell will not be appearing at happy hour in Amman.

And then things start getting loud and obnoxious. Their fear fades, yet somehow they feel the need to stick to Lonely Planet's recommendations for every night out or weekend excursion. This lends to their frequenting the same six restaurants, cafes, & bars during their tenure here, to most other American's annoyance.

This is what we see.

Then things start to get crazy as their time here progresses. They REALLY TRULY want to make a difference in the short time they have in Jordan, so they make an effort to volunteer with refugees, in poverty areas, or with children...for about a day. The inefficient realities of the developing world are too much to bear for their sense of selflessness.

Ew, these people didn't even have pencils ready for their English lesson!

Then towards the end of their trip, all bets are off. They start venturing into more "Jordanian" areas like Souk Abdali and the Balad buy their spices and keffiyehs...as an adventure. At least one male attempts unsuccessfully to hit on Jordanian girls at a bar or club, sometimes with hilarious results.

Sorry Michael Vartan, but you shouldn't have asked her to dance in front of her cousin.

The most ridiculous things, however, generally happen when these students live with Jordanian families. At one end of the spectrum, there are the cautionary tales of girls dating their homestay siblings as a casual fling in the Middle East. Except that their host brother usually thinks this relationship is the first step towards marriage, and is heartbroken beyond reproach when their expiration dating is over.

This is not what a cultural ambassador is supposed to do!!!!

Analysis

Ridiculousness: 3/5
These kids are overly sensitive to American stereotypes, usually distancing themselves from the "typical" American stereotypes and are very quick to disguise their actual opinions. They are also frequently unwilling to judge Jordanian institutions and customs from "a colonial western perspective." However, they forget that "a colonial western perspective" is the only perspective they have. Durr.

Insecurity: 4.5/5
They are insecure by default, as they are mostly completely unsure why they are coming in the first place. And, after they get home, all anyone ever hears is "When I was living in Jordan..."

Intangibles: 3/5
These students are the seed for almost all the other stereotypes on this little jaunt of ours. REMEMBER THAT, PARENTS!

Total: 3.5/5 Picard Facepalms

American Stereotypes 101: The Scarfwearer

And thus begins our great experiment: cataloging, detailing, and otherwise shining a unflattering light on the silly American archetypes that inhabit the Amman, Jordan area. Please note: None of these are directed at any specific individuals. If you fall into one of these categories, it's you're own fault. No scarfwearers were hurt in the making of these posts.

Please submit all complaints to our customer service manager

Stereotype #1: The Scarfwearer

Although already discussed on other expat blogs and on Urban Dictionary, we feel this is a good starting point from which we can branch out from. Usually the Scarfwearer is a girl from a small liberal arts school who wants to literally immerse themselves into Arab culture (TMI!).

More than likely a "one" for Jordan.

Their most distinguishing quality is their air of superiority regarding anything Arab or Palestinian related (Actual quote regarding Arab gender politics: "I am here to listen!!"). They are also usually followed around by their awkward, non-English speaking Jordanian boyfriend. The Scarfwearer speaks formal Arabic at all times and refuses to speak English with other native English speakers.

Like I would ever even want to talk to her anyway...

The most extreme scarfwearer will marry her shab boyfriend only after a few months of getting to know him by drinking tea, holding hands, and having fruitless, superficial conversations using vocabulary from Al-Kitaab (Key fil Hal, habibi?). Some return to United States with their new husband and attend their university sporting the niqab (true story). Most just rock the Palestinian keffiyah at all times, especially during the summer, and attend pro-Palestine rallies at their university. Note: Actual Palestinians question why this white girl is even at the rally and why she is wearing a keffiyah in 100+ degree weather.

Although NOTHING could excuse this idiot.

At any opportunity, they will remind anyone unfortunately close enough to listen about their experience in the Middle East ("When I was in Jordan… met a strange man… went to his house… kept introducing me as his fiance, LOL). They also fast during Ramadan, however since they are not Muslim nobody expects them to fast, and Muslims who are fasting can't understand why someone who isn't Muslim would do this.

Similar as to when this happened...

What scarfwearers fail to realize is that nobody (expats, locals, and fellow students) likes them. We think they are obnoxious, strange, and tarnish the reputation of non-scarfwearing Americans in Jordan. No matter how much they are "Just trying to help! No one understands the Palestinians like I do..." all they do is embarrass themselves.

Analysis (1 = Least Ridiculous/Insecure, 5 = Most Ridiculous/Insecure, etc.)

Ridiculousness: 4/5

While the personal actions of these girls vary in Head Smack-ability, for the most part they are harmless. Annoying? Yes. Embarrassing? Yes. Are they going to cause international incidents? Probably not...

Personal Insecurity: 4.5/5

All of these girls are in the midst of trying to find themselves, which is part of the reason they are so insufferable. Some of them never leave Amman cafes and restaurants, while some go out and find Bedouin boyfriends in Petra. Nonetheless, they are so consumed by their drive to Be Better Here Than They Are At Home, they never make real friends here. Ya salaam.

Intangibles: 2/5

No one can say these girls are scared of the world, as they are following their selfish, selfish hearts wherever it takes them. However, they suck all the air out of the room when they enter, and for that, they should be ashamed.

Rating: 4 out of 5 Picard Facepalms

Ramadan Update...

Sorry world, from mid-June to mid-July I was consumed with working on a paper myself and a colleague presented at a conference in Istanbul. Then, I was consumed with getting a job (which I did), and then working (which was nice).

Thankfully, I don't teach in Saudi...this looks awful.

BIG BLOG NEWS, THOUGH: A friend and I are going to collaborate on a few blog posts together, rigorously and, hopefully, satirically eviscerating the stereotypes of Americans Living In Jordan. There are more than we expected as we compiled our list, and we are going to be posting them (along with some ALL NEW PHOTOSHOPS) on here during this magical month of August/Ramadan.

Every night. All night. Outside my building. WHY?!?!

All of this is done in jest, so I hope no one gets truly offended. As Oscar Wilde said, "True friends stab you in the front." So stay tuned...

Muah ha ha ha ha....